


20 Steps

by juliesioux



Series: Exploring the Future [12]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Arrow missing scene 416, Established Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak, F/M, POV Oliver Queen, Post S4E416 scene, explicit memories, olicity - Freeform, olicity angst, olicity sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6368383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliesioux/pseuds/juliesioux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This small fic picks up immediately after Felicity leaves the Lair for the possible last time.<br/>It is all from Oliver's POV as he does one thing: walk from the centre of the Lair to sleeping quarters.</p><p>In those 20 steps his mind recounts days of joy and laughter which show us the depth of his love for Felicity. </p><p>I don't dig into the issues he needs to figure out because all I wanted to do was write the pain away lol</p><p>Note: I marked it E  even though there is no sex exactly but there are some fairly intense descriptions that push it past Mature in my opinion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	20 Steps

**20 Steps**

_Would he know_   
_How to walk through the door_   
_If she opened it?_

Oliver had no idea how long he spent standing in front of the computers (her computers) staring into the reflecting facets of his mother’s old engagement ring. One minute, ten minutes, thirty seconds, he simply had idea. What drew him back to his body was the sound of his own heart beat.

He focused on the steady sound and feel of it within his chest. It was a trick Shado had taught him on the island for times when his anxiety pushed the limits of his sanity. With his eyes closed, he counted the the beats and felt his pulse slow and even out, allowed his mind to stop racing and reconnected with real time.

He could still hear her voice echoing off the Lair’s reflecting skin, all the planes of metal and glass that held no heat only memories left behind. The ache in his chest shifted and reverberated throughout his soul. He couldn’t find his breath and the world started to wobble under his feet.

He took a deep, shuddering breath and propelled himself towards the sleeping quarters he would be calling home for the foreseeable future. It was only twenty steps by his count but the weight in his limbs, the sudden pressure on all his joints, seemed to push him backwards and straight into the ground.

_One step_

He remembered one night in Bali, when they had had a few glasses of wine and then stumbled down to the beach at midnight. The beauty of their rented villa was that it had private access to a small beach cove. With only the light of the moon as it danced across the surface of the calm Indonesian ocean, they had made their way down to it.

Felicity had wanted to go skinny dipping but as soon as he saw her skin begin to glow in the silvery light, the swim was forgotten. He could still feel the way she felt under his fingertips, so smooth and paper light, and how she had come undone as they made love for what felt like an eternity.

He had worshipped her that night, as though she were a true goddess, one made of light and energy, that had come to earth solely for him. He had murmured his thanks to every inch of her skin that his lips could reach. Her kiss was his sacrament and he drank from her altar. He had lost himself in the feel of her and when his name fell from her lips in a whispered invocation, he felt himself dissolved into nothingness only to be made whole in her presence.

_One Step_

The light shifts his vision through all the spectrums of light and colour until the memory of having dinner on their balcony in Positano comes into view. The warm, ocean breeze had pushed its way up the cliff side to their hotel room. They had a clear view of the Mediterranean sunset setting the world on fire in shades of shifting orange, red and a pulsating purple that seemed to spill over the edge of the earth and pull the night sky into view.

The warm tones bathed her in such a way that she looked drenched, soaked, in the sun. He had sat there and listened to her talk for hours and was content to just hold her hand across the table and watch the candle light reflect in her eyes and off her hair. He knew in that moment, no matter how many life times they had lived or would have, he would know her eyes. Even if he didn’t see her for a thousand years.

_Down the stairs_

The soft thud of his footsteps on the concrete floor drew him back to the world he was slowly wading through. He remembered the day they started to plan the space, the joy in the simple exercise of working together in such a specific, yet united way. They had spent hours at their dining room table, drawing and redrawing the space that would become their second home.

He remembered the love that shone out of her when he showed her his idea for her computers and the space it would inhabit in the heart of the Lair. Their entire operations would revolve around where she would sit and guide them on missions. Her eyes sparkled as she took it all in and saw what he was proposing.

He remembered the feel of her fingernails as they scratched up his thigh and across the tender skin below his bellybutton and then the schematics being shoved to the floor, pencils and rulers scattered across the table or were flung to the ground and the sounds of her sighs.

They hadn’t even bothered to remove their clothes. Oliver had pushed her skirt up to her hips and ripped her underwear aside while she undid his pants and stroked him to a state past hard and guided him into her body in a heated rush. Foreplay forgotten, they raced each other towards their own release and later laughed at the chaos they had created in their desire for each other.

_Another step_

Oliver kept his body moving forward, pushing through the memories his mind continued to throw in his path. Her last words to him bounced and ricocheted through his body, changing him on a cellular level. The hurt they left behind was profound but he knew she was not wrong in leaving. He knew that what she did was best for herself, her heart, her survival.

But still...he remembered a night in Ivy Town, when the winds howled, the rain had come down in sheets, and the thunder and lightning boomed and they laid in bed, wrapped around each other with candles their only available light after the power went out. All they did was talk in quiet, hushed voices about childhood memories and silly fears.

The storm raged for hours, it tore down trees and littered the street outside with debris, but they were oblivious to it all. Their small bubble filled with warmth, light and love kept them protected from the violence on their doorstep.

They talked until one by one the candles flickered and went out. The storm, still raging, had kept him on edge as certain images from events on Lian Yu bubbled up and surfaced in his mind. Felicity knew the effect storms sometimes had on him and so she traced their future around the seams that held him together and spoke to him of her ideas for their present.

She grounded him on nights when the memories regained their voices and howled through his mind. They would gradually fall silent as she spoke quietly and gently, guiding him through the toughest parts of the maze in his memory. He had fallen asleep that night, with her voice in his ear and her fingertips reading him like Braille.

_Another stride_

Oliver reached out, turned the lights off and stood for just a moment in the glow of the cases that housed the team’s suits. Staring at his Green Arrow suit, he felt his legs grow wobbly and unsteady. So much of who he had become was tied up, intimately linked, to Felicity. When he doubted he could be more than just the Hood, she had challenged him to think differently, to find another way. When he faltered as the Arrow, she reminded him of his strength and courage.

Now, with one foot in the dark and one in the light, he felt divided and pulled apart. It would be so easy to just stop, to return to the island in his mind and go it alone. Instead, he went about getting ready for bed in this strange environment that was once so familiar.

It took twenty steps for him to leave the heart of his world to get to the hollow room he now stood in. Putting away his suit, he reached into the inside breast pocket and took out a picture of the two of them that he was sure she wouldn’t miss and put it on the table beside the bed.

It was his favourite picture of the two of them. She was smiling with her eyes closed, face pointed up to the sun and he was kissing her cheek with the same, almost goofy intensity. A tourist at one of the temples they had visited took it for them on a day where they had found so much to laugh and smile about. He had felt untouchable that day as her laugh followed him, guided him through pathways and temples and into the night.

Oliver laid down under the cool sheets and flashed back to the night in Nanda Parbat where everything changed. He remembered thinking that this was going to be the only time he could show her the depth of his love. In every touch, lingering kiss and breathless sigh, he had shown her that his heart was hers in this life and the next.

His memory flashed and he was reliving the night they had found the tiniest cafe in the back streets of Positano. It had room for 3 tables and tiny little coffee bar but out the back was a spacious garden full of purple bougainvillea, morning glories of all colours and fushia petunias. The Amalfi coast was perfect for the trio and their soft perfume filled the early evening air.

The cobblestone patio was empty the night they discovered it so, with the bright Mediterranean moon rising over the mountains, Oliver had surprised her by pulling her to her feet and into a slow, romantic dance that seemed to last for hours. The older couple who owned the cafe had watched them with smiles full of their own remembrances and quietly left a bottle of wine and lit candles on their table before giving them privacy.

For Oliver, it was one of the most intimate moments they had shared in Italy. Just the two of them lost to the motion of their bodies and sound of their breath and hearts with the ocean crashing on the shore 400 feet below. He could never remember the song that played just the way her hand felt in his and the feel of her body as she pressed into his.

He would never forget the way she looked up at him later that night, holding his gaze with the same intensity as she held him in her body. He felt a lifetime pass between them in that moment and knew there would be no other for him now or in the future. He caught glimpses of eternity in the way she smiled and said his name and his heart had filled to overflowing with love both received and given.

Sleep found him in the early morning hours when his mind finally slowed and the paralysis of grief invaded his body. His dreams were a maelstrom of lightning flashes, Felicity’s footsteps and the scent of the rain in Bali. He found no peace in the darkness, no respite from sleep or joy in waking. He knew each day would end in twenty steps until he figured out the pattern he kept repeating.

Rising before dawn, Oliver got dressed but before leaving, he slipped their picture into his pocket and began his day.


End file.
